It’s that time of year again. The Mass Observation team at the University of Sussex have been collecting people’s records of their 12th of May since 1937. Is there anything about even a modestly spent day that would not be of exquisite interest after nearly a century has passed?
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You couldn’t do it if you tried. But in 1989, at the age of twenty, I managed to make myself bulimic. I would consume nothing but water for seven days at a time, or eat to the point of crippling pain, begging myself to stop … yet would carry on. I’d like to take a look at how I accomplished such an incredible feat. What are the lessons here? How could you make yourself bulimic?
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Since 12th May 1937, the day of George VI’s Coronation, the Mass Observation project has been asking members of the public to submit a detailed diary entry for 12th May each year. The more everyday the details the better–as this is the fabric that history is made of.
So, what did I get up to on 12th May 2019?
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Despite knowing—on some level—at a very young age that I was a lesbian, it took a silly amount of time for the pink penny to finally drop. Into my university years I was writing entry after entry in my diary about how beautiful my latest girl-crush’s eyes were … yet expressing in the very next paragraphs my bewilderment as to why I never felt excited when a boy touched me. My diary makes for a forehead-slapping read.
So, how could I know I was gay when I didn’t know? What were the mental prods? What were those early signs?
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Jamie: What do you think of yourself when you look back at what you wrote?
Natasha: I feel just slightly remorseful, as I was far more whacky, interesting, adventurous, irresponsible, self-destructive than I am today. What I gained in self-respect and self-awareness, I lost in character.
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I’d love to hear from you. Email me.
I’d love to hear from you. Email me.
As of May 2017, I have archived my original 2012 www.lesbian-crushes-and-bulimia.com website.
I’d love to hear from you. Email me.
Natasha
Although I feel mentally stable, self-aware, and well balanced, I do sometimes question my addiction to recording my life, and the two or more hours every day that I devote to it. Do you feel that Anne Lister’s obsessiveness was in any way unhealthy?
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